Network! It is what the net is for!
"My computer has the most problems opening Firefox. Mostly because I haven't installed it."
-Daniel
Rena: Why are you using my computer?
Me: Because my internet ran out of battery.
"This cider is not as heavy as my cat."
-DD
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
-Cove on TFA
"A pawn is like a crappy bishop."
"It's not pink. It's a lightish red."
-Some shirt at Fanime
He turns into some kind of big, black dog. But it turns out he's your godfather, so it's okay."
-Kingdom of Loathing while attempting to kill a vampire
(17:49:59) Me - Yahoo: that's 6, not 3!
(17:50:07) Me - Yahoo: actually, it is 3!, but isn't 3.
-Me, on YIM, talking to Alaina
Alex (as in, my brother): Odd plus odd is...?
Me: Odder!
Alex: No. Even.
Mom: That's even odder.
-Me, Alex, and Mom
"Hold on while I get the bathing suit out of my sand."
-Dew_Drop596 on The Fantasy Alliance (a guild on neopets)
"It's not pink. It just looks like it."
-Ned at 2005 UCD COMSOS
"What's the smallest continent?"
"Norway."
-2005 UCD COSMOS Mac Lab
"What is the most common natural disaster?"
"Car crash."
-2005 UCD COSMOS Cluster 2
"Bullets are cylindrical metal projectiles shot from firearms. Their main function is to kill or otherwise incapacitate."
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
-Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-Mariah Carey
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
-Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball, forward
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
-Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-Dan Quayle
"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-Keppel Enderbery
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
Last Updated January 22, 2010